Every once in a while, life throws you at a baffling cross-road—one where you need to make a dauntingly difficult decision. Both choices weigh equal in pros and cons and there is just too much at stake.
Maybe each time you try to lean towards one option, the other one pulls you towards itself. The subconscious thought of having only one shot at this life and the desire to make it perfect complicates things even further.
A quick google search recommends you to make a list of pros and cons and evaluate logically—but you already knew that.
Further, asking for advice isn’t always feasible either. All advice is good and bad depending on the context and the person receiving it.
How do you proceed in such a situation?
Today I want to share with you a decision-making technique that I use to make really tough, life altering decisions. Of course, to keep its sanctity I use it sparingly and only when all other alternatives have failed to provide a conclusive answer.
Up until now, there have been at least three instances in my life where I was stuck in a critical dilemma and had to apply this method to make a decision, potentially changing the course of my future.
Each instance was tougher than the previous one, but each time I was happier than before.
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”
— Aristotle
It is a simple but extremely powerful three-step technique that I devised using the principle of eliminating uncertainty.
Step #1: Break the fear of losing what you have
The future is often scary because of the uncertainty associated with it.
For some, the prospect of ‘What if?’ is exciting enough to go leaps and bounds. For others, it may be intimidating enough to remain chained to where they are.
Even if you’re stuck in an unfavorable situation, aspiring to do something else, you may be unable to gather the courage required to take that difficult step.
The cause behind this is a fear of losing what you already have.
The fear of losing supersedes the happiness of receiving something better because of the attached uncertainty. The possibility of failing or becoming a loser makes people afraid enough to forget about the joy of exploring.
Sometimes, even when the current state is dissatisfying, the presence of other individuals sharing the same boat as us makes us feel inclusive and comfortable – even if it’s the wrong boat.
And the idea of risking everything good to remedy the bad sounds bewildering.
But we forget that nothing better can ever come to us unless we lose what we have right now.
So how do we overcome this fear?
Step #2: Look at the Past from the Future
Imagine that a book is being written – your autobiography. You are reading it to your grandchildren. You are the protagonist and, fortunately, the writer as well. What’s the story that you want to narrate?
While thinking about the future is difficult because of the uncertainty, thinking about the past is reassuring as it is already set in stone. That’s the loophole in our thought process that we utilize.
When you envision yourself standing 15 years from now into the future, and ask yourself, “What decision would I like my younger self to make if nothing else changed?”, you subconsciously provide yourself the support as well as approval from your older self that whatever life changing decision you really want to make – it’s okay. You are okay.
The fundamental rule on which this method is built is that we know ourselves very well. At least deep down, we know what kind of person we truly are.
Think about it – you know the kind of choices you would make if there were no constraints. The only hurdle that keeps you from making that choice is the fear of not receiving approval from the world and yourself.
Once you remove that fear, you’re good to go.
Step #3: Accept that you are in control
The best part about this method is the feeling of control that you get over your life.
The whole reason behind our fear of making tough decisions is that we don’t feel we are in control. The moment you change that, you start feeling empowered, and the uncertainty starts fading away.
People often ask me how I made the bold decision to quit my job and pursue my dreams. They even talk about how it is difficult (or impossible) for them due to the constraints that are unique to them alone.
Maybe a large expenditure is going to show up soon. Or there’s a huge debt that is currently in progress. Maybe they haven’t saved enough till now.
The only problem with such explanations is that – people don’t fully realize that they are in control of their own life. They feel bound by what is hindering them from pursuing their goals.
“Everyone believes the world’s greatest lie…” says the mysterious old man.
“What is the world’s greatest lie?” the little boy asks.
The old man replies, “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.”– The Alchemist
They forget that every constraint that they’re talking about came into existence because of their own decisions. And every constraint that would come in the future would also arise out of their decisions alone.
If your goal is to get your own house – then you’re already on the right track. But if the loan for the house is a constraint, then you’re not making the right decisions.
Your decision today to not pursue your goals will give rise to a new constraint in the future. It is as simple as that.
Nothing is binding you but your choices. There are actions and consequences, and it is up to you to decide how you want to prioritize.
When I put myself through this method, it took me only a fraction of a second to realize what I would like my 25-year old self to do.
Moreover, I want to emphasize that, in reality, you will never fail. Because during the course of your journey, you’ll realize that the pursuit of something is more important than that thing itself, and your goals will change accordingly.
Your metric of success will adapt, and every time you feel doubt regarding your decision, you can remind yourself about the story of this protagonist.
When you’re the author of your own story, very little room is left for uncertainty.
Good luck!
